Spinning my wheels

Written yesterday, Day 3 of 2015, I have decided to stop the annoying counting.  I think it just shouts to me how soon I can “get out of balance” and slip from my commitments to myself. I pride myself on being dependable and faithful to others, but not to myself.  I imagine I can do so much more in so less time than reality. I did a time budget once as part of a time management exercise to find more time in my schedule for the things I wanted to do and never quite managed, like getting enough sleep. I calculated the hours for all my activities and committed time and came up with 48 hours, which I thought was reasonable for a week, until I realized I had already divided by seven to give me a daily budget! No wonder I felt like a hamster on a wheel and my plans could not all be accomplished!

I do believe God has a reasonable plan for our lives and therefore our schedule, as it can be found in many places of scripture. I have tried so many tools, read books, and even took classes to help organize schedules and save time, spending less time per activity, etc. I have never been able to ‘catch up” with my plan or get off that wheel. I cannot remember the last vacation for the sake of vacating the daily grind, only recuperative days from illness, born out of my schedule and stress. Jesus promised His yoke was easy and His burden light if we are weary of carrying the loads put on us by ourselves and others.

When I am able to let go and turn things over to God, it seems things get done faster and sometimes get done without me doing a thing, like finding a solution without doing research on alternatives or making endless phone calls to resolve. Turning things over to God does not release me from responsibility but recognizes there is a plan and solution available beyond my knowledge or understanding of things and it requires trust in a loving God who cares about me and how the world can work better for everyone and for all creation. He designed all creation and knows the intricate details we can never gather or assimilate, no matter how complicated the computer assisted analysis we have at our disposal.

Let go and let God! It is not just a trite saying. It is a better way to be in balance. It requires changing the way we think, believe and act, taking more time to stop and let God be God in our lives and our schedules at every moment of awareness, which also needs to be kept alert and sharp and not dulled into rushing and multi-tasking, reacting to everything instead of considering our responses.

                                                                                                                                                                                       

The Lord is my shepherd!

The Lord is my Shepherd” Part 1

Day 2 of 2015, I am keeping my commitment to write.  I write best when not so tired, so I need to add a note to my blog postings that not all daily journal entries will be posted on my blog. I am not yet in a rythym of writing daily and, as I am learning with all goals, I need to schedule the time to do things I want to accomplish, because other distractions and activities that seem more important otherwise take priority. As a result, I will never get to those seemingly less important projects that come from our God-given visions of life purposes, but instead, I will focus on my own agendas and the perceived agendas of the world and people around us who seem to want or think something else is preferred or the answer. 

I am finding what I sometimes think are real and absolute threats or demands, are really distractions from my path and expectations of myself, a person or organization or ‘rule’ I perceive cannot be missed or broken,  otherwise causing loss or rejection, or ultimate abandonment. This is an illusion from surrounding myself with wrong beliefs and perceptions based on those beliefs. I ignore any evidence to the contrary. If I do not trust other beliefs, I cannot experience the truth working in my life.

These past few years my health problems have finally convinced me that other than God, I am the only one responsible for taking care of me and following the path God tries to show me.  I am also learning that God is always faithful and never lets us down. If I follow the guidance in my spirit as led by God, He provides all I need and keeps my path clearer from obstacles and more direct to His destinations, including meeting the worldly demands that cannot be ignored. God is like a good shepherd.

In the end, when I am down and out and all my chips run out, and I am not able to respond to others’ demands and expectations, I am left seemingly alone to fend for myself. Thank God He is always there to pick up the pieces and provide whatever is needed, even if I suffer some serious loss or severe pain as a result.  My losses are never the fault of others but my own errors in not discerning my path as directed by God and not developing boundaries to keep me on that path, a kind of fence to keep me from wandering off, like a lamb who eats their way off a cliff. That is why lambs need shepherds to keep them on the path. The Lord is my good shepherd if I trust in Him and follow. Stay tuned for more.

"This time is for you, not for Me”

 

This is my first writing in 2015. I am determined to write personally every day, even if only a few sentences. This is one of my new resolutions within what seems a new beginning for my life, given the last few years. It is hard to know where to begin. So, rather than going over the recent past, I will begin with my conversation with God this morning.

I slept in late, given I stayed up later than usual to see the New Year in with Pitbull on FOX in Miami. It seemed a new celebration of our city and I actually found myself connecting positively to Miami like a favorite sports team, after feeling more and more disconnected with many aspects of our city over the past couple of years. I had been feeling much excitement and joyful expectation of the new year and this seemed to fit in with my forward positive outlook for my life this coming year of 2015.

I did not want to get up so late but I had not spent all of my quiet time with God. I felt a bit guilty about rushing past my usual longer time with Him. I said to myself: “well, actually I have spent time praising Him and thanking Him for all the blessings in my life, lifting up others in prayer and reading through several, if not all, of my usual daily devotions. Had not I done enough?”

There was a loud response: “This time is for you, not for Me. You receive from Me. I do not need this time with you. This is not an obligation, but an opportunity to receive more love, power, and grace from Me. Everything you do “in My name”; every thought, every feeling, every action, every word said in reflection upon Me and with intention to serve and follow Me, no matter how trivial, or even distasteful, if done with thought of Me, is blessed and produces a blessing for you and for others. Even if you are behaving ‘wrongly’, in anger, resentment, impatience, judgment, etc., if given over to me (with repentance) will turn into a blessing for you and others involved. Take all thoughts, words, actions, choices, etc., even the daily physical functions of life, like eating and sleeping, and present them to Me at the meeting place of our connection, the altar of the sanctuary in your spirit’s heart, your holy tent like Moses, where I reside and you reside in Me, and I will use it to produce blessings for you and for others, always. That is what I do! I love you and all creation and want only the best for all my creation as an outcome of all things done, said, thought, felt, and reflected through who you are and who you are becoming to be in Me.”