I love a mystery! Do you? Really?

I have always loved mysteries! Mystery stories, mystery quizzes, mystery puzzles. Anything that was missing an explanation. I loved Perry Mason, Sherlock Holmes, Columbo, who-done-it's. And figuring out how it was done: CSI, the TV series and all the spin-offs. That is the catch of many soap operas: trying to figure out what really happened, what was going to happen, to whom and when. Who shot President Kennedy? Was there really a Bermuda Triangle? How do caterpillars become butterflies? All mysteries. Solving them can be fun, satisfying and certainly brain challenging. Hence the popularity of the TV series LOST. There was a year the series got too confusing and people stopped watching. They could not figure enough out.

The biggest mystery of all: GOD. Is there a God? Who is God? Where is God? What is God doing? What is God going to do? Only one problem. God is unfathomable. We cannot figure that out and sometimes, that makes us angry or at least frustrated and confused. We really do not like mysteries we cannot solve or are not revealed to us satisfactorily. The secret to keeping us hooked is just enough information to keep us thinking we are going to get the answers we think we want. But with God, often there are no answers. And some of the answers are not what we want to hear.

The real secret, that brings peace and joy, is we do not have to figure it out! We just have to come to believe and accept what is out of our control, doing what we can to change things for the better. But that is not easy for most of us. We want to understand. We want to see, and feel, and know the answers. And we want the answers to satisfy our sense of right and wrong, and justice and fairness. If we could see the whole picture, from beginning to end, with all the multitude of players and histories; if we could possibly even begin to comprehend all of what is or ever has been in every moment of every things' existence until the end of time, we might just come to understand with satisfaction and compassion. But that is impossible. Only God can know all that is for all time for all things and "figure it out".

So the mystery remains a mystery. But when we accept what is seen and known as part of a much bigger picture and enjoy the parts that are there for us to enjoy every moment, enduring what is painful when it is, even if seemingly unbearable, we can grow to an awareness of a God who loves us unconditionally, leading us along the best path possible, providing everything we need along the way, bringing good things out of painful things, and comforting and healing the pains we have to endure. And, it gets easier. We grow more peaceful, more thankful, more patient, more loving, more strong. We learn about ourselves, and others and about God. We do what we can to make things better for everyone. And we can give up trying to solve the mystery and begin to find gratitude and awe in the mystery that enfolds us with love, compassion, provision, mercy, wisdom and grace in unbelievable ways, beyond our imagination or ability to find the answers in any way that makes sense or gives timely satisfaction.

Happy Mother's Day! Perfected Parenthood....

More thoughts and memories of mom today. I tried to avoid Mother's Day this year since my mom passed so recently, but it was unavoidable. Messages were everywhere. Mother's Day wishes have been coming from all directions and sources. Mother's Day is a big deal! We all have mothers of one sort or another. And in some way or variety of ways, we have been like a mother at one time or another to someone, if only in a small way for a little while. Even men act in mothering ways at times.

What do we think of as mothering? Nurturing, comforting, hugging, warming, kissing, cooing, emotional support, feeding, teaching, discipline, direction, guidance, nursing, healing, bandaging wounds. Some mothers have other characteristics: abandoning, rejecting, scolding, criticizing, judging, denying, bullying. Some traits are subtle. A few award winning. Others overwhelming, smothering, suffocating, destructive or murderous.

All of us are mothers in one way or another at one time or other. None are perfect. Except one! My God is a good mother, the most perfect of all! My God provides all my needs at all levels, in the most perfect ways, usually in surprising ways if I let God be God and surrender to the "parenting". God always knows more than I do, before I could ever discover even a part. God knows exactly the best way to give me what I need, direct and guide me where and when and what to do for my best and the best good of others. God can teach me what I need to know when I need it. God also disciplines and corrects, but in merciful and gentle ways if I respond with a desire to listen and do the best I can.

God can heal any wound and love unconditionally in abundant, lavish ways. And if I ask for the wisdom and ways to be, as best I can, a "mother" to others, God can do that too! I will never be perfect, but God is perfecting the motherhood in all of us that surrender to the parenting of God!

The Cycle of Life, Losses and Transitions

This is the centerpiece from the reception after my mother's memorial yesterday. The roses were almost closed yesterday, promising more beauty to come upon opening. I debated in my mind if I really wanted to keep the token of her memorial, as if trying to keep away the grief, but something inside urged me to take it home and display it in a prominent place.

The memorial was perfect in so many ways. The readings, music, and sermon all provided a message and experience of celebrating the movement from life to death as a transition, not an ending. The sermon particularly and poignantly directed us to the mystery of God and God's ways! God uses everything for good according to God's purposes, which are better than we could ask, hope for, or imagine. Along the way there are losses, disappointments, even tragedies, that cause pain. But God can redeem anything and turn it into blessings for ourselves and others.

In death and after, there is loss and it hurts, some times more than others, like waves crashing on shore. Some waves are barely noticed, others knock you over or, at least off your path, and, at the very least, creating unbalance, later causing you to fall down. Often the waves that are hardest come unexpectedly in surprising ways. The memories that appear are mixed and travel the mind, dancing to different rhythms and pausing over some more than others, provoking a variety of feelings, like the sounds of various instruments in an orchestra's performance. Some of the movements are difficult, others almost impossible to bear.

A few of the losses I have experienced cannot be shared with most people, others are losses I thought might be temprorary abscences of important aspects of my life, things that I gave up over the last 4 years in my decision to help my mom have more quality of life, while maintianing my health. Some of those losses I am now finding I can never recapture or retrieve. More death, more empty places to fill!

I passed by the floral arrangement this morning barely noticing, perhaps even denying its existence in the room, like I sometimes do with my feelings. Later today, I felt some sadness and tears from various sources of pain, and looking at the memorial token, I was reminded of the love and support I felt yesterday, something I have been deprived of for many months by the demands of my mother's care. The warmth and soothing washed over me and I noticed the open roses delivering their promise of more beauty and the expansion of my life into new blossoms and the ongoing cycle of life.