Spinning my wheels

Written yesterday, Day 3 of 2015, I have decided to stop the annoying counting.  I think it just shouts to me how soon I can “get out of balance” and slip from my commitments to myself. I pride myself on being dependable and faithful to others, but not to myself.  I imagine I can do so much more in so less time than reality. I did a time budget once as part of a time management exercise to find more time in my schedule for the things I wanted to do and never quite managed, like getting enough sleep. I calculated the hours for all my activities and committed time and came up with 48 hours, which I thought was reasonable for a week, until I realized I had already divided by seven to give me a daily budget! No wonder I felt like a hamster on a wheel and my plans could not all be accomplished!

I do believe God has a reasonable plan for our lives and therefore our schedule, as it can be found in many places of scripture. I have tried so many tools, read books, and even took classes to help organize schedules and save time, spending less time per activity, etc. I have never been able to ‘catch up” with my plan or get off that wheel. I cannot remember the last vacation for the sake of vacating the daily grind, only recuperative days from illness, born out of my schedule and stress. Jesus promised His yoke was easy and His burden light if we are weary of carrying the loads put on us by ourselves and others.

When I am able to let go and turn things over to God, it seems things get done faster and sometimes get done without me doing a thing, like finding a solution without doing research on alternatives or making endless phone calls to resolve. Turning things over to God does not release me from responsibility but recognizes there is a plan and solution available beyond my knowledge or understanding of things and it requires trust in a loving God who cares about me and how the world can work better for everyone and for all creation. He designed all creation and knows the intricate details we can never gather or assimilate, no matter how complicated the computer assisted analysis we have at our disposal.

Let go and let God! It is not just a trite saying. It is a better way to be in balance. It requires changing the way we think, believe and act, taking more time to stop and let God be God in our lives and our schedules at every moment of awareness, which also needs to be kept alert and sharp and not dulled into rushing and multi-tasking, reacting to everything instead of considering our responses.

                                                                                                                                                                                       

A "Silver Tsunami" is coming!!!

Martha Stewart: The Other Health Care Crisis -- America's Elderly

Above is a link to an article on caring for an elderly parent, something which has taken a lot of my time and energy the past 18 months. Since Thanksgiving, the care demands have increased, just after I started this blog! I was hoping to post daily, but many days I am going until 8:30-9 pm without stopping or eating since breakfast, and still more to do! I am learning ways to set boundaries, as I have mentioned in previous posts, and moving towards more balance in my life. I have found it is a wonderful opportunity to grow in love, patience, trust and acceptance! I am hoping the situation will improve, as I make these new boundaries, and turn things over sooner to a higher power, through prayer, waiting, watching and listening to the movements of the Spirit! Being disabled, this has been a difficult challenge, but I am enjoying so much drawing on the wisdom, power, provision, favor and presence of God! I apologize to my readers for not posting more regularly! Please be patient with me! I have so much I want to share from my journey and welcome your comments and sharings too! Love, Dee

Securing the boundaries!

Working on my boundaries big time! Finding those places in my boundaries that need strengthening and fixing them where broken; where someone has broken through, or I have gradually leaned and bent the boundary to keep someone happy, or avoid their angry reaction to not getting what they want the way they want it! Too much energy is spent trying to make things work out, with all parties getting what they want! I need those strong boundaries for my health: physically, emotionally and spiritually. I need time and energy for a balanced life! Not having the appropriate boundaries is like leaving a gate open for energy to escape or be drained off, or for something toxic to come into my be-ing! No is a complete sentence! Not answering the phone is an answer, even after repeated calls. Not responding to an email is a response even if a response is demanded. Doing what I need to do to take care of my needs is OK no matter what, as long as I do not intentionally hurt anyone else doing it. Accepting how others respond to me is a must. Not everyone will like me anyway. Some may even dislike me. But I can love myself and know if I need to set boundaries to take care of myself, I am still a good person, a great friend, a generous volunteer and a loving, caring daughter, no matter the feedback I get to the contrary, directly or indirectly. Love and take care of your self! When we do, we are more able to love and take care of others! Without resentment or regret! Fondly, Dee

Balancing with boundaries around a 'pleasant land'!

More balancing! Today I am working with boundaries! Without a fence around a garden, or nice property, a pleasant land, anything can wander in and smash the beautiful flowers or leave some 'poo' behind. I know it is fertilizer, but not when dropped in a pathway or where we need to step. My self is like that, a 'pleasant land'. Without boundaries for my mind, body, heart and spirit, things can get in and trash it up, leave 'poo' behind that gets in my way or makes me slip and fall, making me lose my balance! I have to know myself, my beliefs, my needs, my limitations, my emotional self, and my spiritual boundaries. With attention to these, to my feelings, and my own known "symptoms" of dis-ease, I can "diagnose" when my boundaries are not working, have not been defined, have weak spots, or have been crossed. Only I can decide what these boundaries need to be and when they need to be fortified or changed. I have been learning about my boundaries, seems like forever! I still have many opportunities to practice setting them, communicating them, examining them, and changing them. It seems the opportunities get harder and harder, like math exercises in school! The teacher would say: "Now class, let's practice what we've learned!", as if she were learning along with us. God is like that. God does not need to learn, but God is there leading us, teaching us, giving us greater awareness, reminding us of what we have already learned, and showing us new ways of doing things better for a better solution for all! I am practicing boundaries today! And it feels very good, like practicing with any sport or musical instrument, when it gets easier and I can do better and better than before! I am not where I want to be, but I am a lot better than I used to be! Practice, practice, practice! And enjoy your success and progress along the way! Take care of your "pleasant land", your self! Fondly, Dee

Balancing Act with a Net!

Well, I slipped again! Too busy to post to my blog yesterday! I think I am learning to follow the Spirit more closely. I had a small meltdown yesterday - too much to do and not enough time to do it! I stopped and prayed for wisdom. I received a call from my mom that she did not want to go for her therapy. She needed it. I did not want to cancel, but had the thought it would give me extra time. This morning I got a call. The therapist was too sick to see my mom. The appointment was cancelled. Wow! Just got a few hours! Got stuff done! It seemed an answer to prayer, but in an unusual way. Can I just believe God has me covered? So I will not fall too far! A net is good, but a pillow is preferable! As I proceed to keep this balancing act, balancing one priority with another, weighing one perceived need in comparison to another, can I pray, relax, let go and see what becomes more clear? Praying for wisdom and clarity each moment is a must! Spending quiet time with God and myself is essential! Being open to possibilities and relaxing my "Must do" 's is a challenge! May God grant you wisdom, clarity, peace and balance! Fondly, Dee

Balancing Act!

Trying to keep all the balls in the air and dropped one yesterday - did not get to post to my blog! I feel like the guy on the right - I have too many things I am trying to stabilize in my life and nearly ending up losing my balance! I am so much better at balance than I used to be, but lately I am feeling challenged! I think it is one of my growing edges recently! When my life was less dimensional, I was a workaholic, spending 70-80 hours a week on my career, the rest with spouse and little time for anything else. I ended up very sick, permanently disabled and ultimately alone! Today I have learned to set some goals for various areas of my life - God, self, friends, vocation, home management, community, hobbies, creativity and just plain fun! Of course self includes self care, self awareness activities and self-with-self time! Everything seemed to be going well, even my health had improved to the best it had been in many years, and I was on my way to discovering a new vocation. When, blam, I hit a wall! Ouch! That hurt! I thought I was walking through a door and I hit concrete! God had other plans! Then, blam, a large object fell on me out of the blue! Ouch!!!! Now that really hurt!!!! My mom nearly died and I had to take over her care! A year or so and I thought I would be back on my feet! Oops! I slipped! Too much on my plate and I lost my footing! I kept going at the same pace and Ow! I fell! My health deteriorated from being the best it had been to being the worst it had been in several years! I was nearly hospitalized in September and October! Whew! That was close! Don't want to go there again! Gotta' be careful! I am still learning to keep my pace and keep my balance! Got to let go of some things, especially the ones that are not urgent and are wearing me down! We know what those are! Deep inside a small voice tells us "you don't need to be doing this now!" I pray for things to get better - and they get worse! I get grumpy and short tempered - a sure sign I am out of balance and going against God's Will. When things are tough and I pray for God's will, I am learning that the things I am supposed to be doing get easier and I find support in inexplicable ways! The things I am not supposed to be doing just get harder and the people involved get almost abusive (a sure sign of loss of favor and moving into darkness!!!). I want to walk in the light - follow where the Spirit is leading and stay in balance! God show me your will, show me your way, shine your light on my path and teach me to walk more closely with you!!!!! Keep me in balance! Watch your step, mind your footing, observe your pace, listen to the small voice within, don't slip and fall! Fondly , Dee