I love a mystery! Do you? Really?

I have always loved mysteries! Mystery stories, mystery quizzes, mystery puzzles. Anything that was missing an explanation. I loved Perry Mason, Sherlock Holmes, Columbo, who-done-it's. And figuring out how it was done: CSI, the TV series and all the spin-offs. That is the catch of many soap operas: trying to figure out what really happened, what was going to happen, to whom and when. Who shot President Kennedy? Was there really a Bermuda Triangle? How do caterpillars become butterflies? All mysteries. Solving them can be fun, satisfying and certainly brain challenging. Hence the popularity of the TV series LOST. There was a year the series got too confusing and people stopped watching. They could not figure enough out.

The biggest mystery of all: GOD. Is there a God? Who is God? Where is God? What is God doing? What is God going to do? Only one problem. God is unfathomable. We cannot figure that out and sometimes, that makes us angry or at least frustrated and confused. We really do not like mysteries we cannot solve or are not revealed to us satisfactorily. The secret to keeping us hooked is just enough information to keep us thinking we are going to get the answers we think we want. But with God, often there are no answers. And some of the answers are not what we want to hear.

The real secret, that brings peace and joy, is we do not have to figure it out! We just have to come to believe and accept what is out of our control, doing what we can to change things for the better. But that is not easy for most of us. We want to understand. We want to see, and feel, and know the answers. And we want the answers to satisfy our sense of right and wrong, and justice and fairness. If we could see the whole picture, from beginning to end, with all the multitude of players and histories; if we could possibly even begin to comprehend all of what is or ever has been in every moment of every things' existence until the end of time, we might just come to understand with satisfaction and compassion. But that is impossible. Only God can know all that is for all time for all things and "figure it out".

So the mystery remains a mystery. But when we accept what is seen and known as part of a much bigger picture and enjoy the parts that are there for us to enjoy every moment, enduring what is painful when it is, even if seemingly unbearable, we can grow to an awareness of a God who loves us unconditionally, leading us along the best path possible, providing everything we need along the way, bringing good things out of painful things, and comforting and healing the pains we have to endure. And, it gets easier. We grow more peaceful, more thankful, more patient, more loving, more strong. We learn about ourselves, and others and about God. We do what we can to make things better for everyone. And we can give up trying to solve the mystery and begin to find gratitude and awe in the mystery that enfolds us with love, compassion, provision, mercy, wisdom and grace in unbelievable ways, beyond our imagination or ability to find the answers in any way that makes sense or gives timely satisfaction.

Happy Mother's Day! Perfected Parenthood....

More thoughts and memories of mom today. I tried to avoid Mother's Day this year since my mom passed so recently, but it was unavoidable. Messages were everywhere. Mother's Day wishes have been coming from all directions and sources. Mother's Day is a big deal! We all have mothers of one sort or another. And in some way or variety of ways, we have been like a mother at one time or another to someone, if only in a small way for a little while. Even men act in mothering ways at times.

What do we think of as mothering? Nurturing, comforting, hugging, warming, kissing, cooing, emotional support, feeding, teaching, discipline, direction, guidance, nursing, healing, bandaging wounds. Some mothers have other characteristics: abandoning, rejecting, scolding, criticizing, judging, denying, bullying. Some traits are subtle. A few award winning. Others overwhelming, smothering, suffocating, destructive or murderous.

All of us are mothers in one way or another at one time or other. None are perfect. Except one! My God is a good mother, the most perfect of all! My God provides all my needs at all levels, in the most perfect ways, usually in surprising ways if I let God be God and surrender to the "parenting". God always knows more than I do, before I could ever discover even a part. God knows exactly the best way to give me what I need, direct and guide me where and when and what to do for my best and the best good of others. God can teach me what I need to know when I need it. God also disciplines and corrects, but in merciful and gentle ways if I respond with a desire to listen and do the best I can.

God can heal any wound and love unconditionally in abundant, lavish ways. And if I ask for the wisdom and ways to be, as best I can, a "mother" to others, God can do that too! I will never be perfect, but God is perfecting the motherhood in all of us that surrender to the parenting of God!

The Cycle of Life, Losses and Transitions

This is the centerpiece from the reception after my mother's memorial yesterday. The roses were almost closed yesterday, promising more beauty to come upon opening. I debated in my mind if I really wanted to keep the token of her memorial, as if trying to keep away the grief, but something inside urged me to take it home and display it in a prominent place.

The memorial was perfect in so many ways. The readings, music, and sermon all provided a message and experience of celebrating the movement from life to death as a transition, not an ending. The sermon particularly and poignantly directed us to the mystery of God and God's ways! God uses everything for good according to God's purposes, which are better than we could ask, hope for, or imagine. Along the way there are losses, disappointments, even tragedies, that cause pain. But God can redeem anything and turn it into blessings for ourselves and others.

In death and after, there is loss and it hurts, some times more than others, like waves crashing on shore. Some waves are barely noticed, others knock you over or, at least off your path, and, at the very least, creating unbalance, later causing you to fall down. Often the waves that are hardest come unexpectedly in surprising ways. The memories that appear are mixed and travel the mind, dancing to different rhythms and pausing over some more than others, provoking a variety of feelings, like the sounds of various instruments in an orchestra's performance. Some of the movements are difficult, others almost impossible to bear.

A few of the losses I have experienced cannot be shared with most people, others are losses I thought might be temprorary abscences of important aspects of my life, things that I gave up over the last 4 years in my decision to help my mom have more quality of life, while maintianing my health. Some of those losses I am now finding I can never recapture or retrieve. More death, more empty places to fill!

I passed by the floral arrangement this morning barely noticing, perhaps even denying its existence in the room, like I sometimes do with my feelings. Later today, I felt some sadness and tears from various sources of pain, and looking at the memorial token, I was reminded of the love and support I felt yesterday, something I have been deprived of for many months by the demands of my mother's care. The warmth and soothing washed over me and I noticed the open roses delivering their promise of more beauty and the expansion of my life into new blossoms and the ongoing cycle of life.

A "Silver Tsunami" is coming!!!

Martha Stewart: The Other Health Care Crisis -- America's Elderly

Above is a link to an article on caring for an elderly parent, something which has taken a lot of my time and energy the past 18 months. Since Thanksgiving, the care demands have increased, just after I started this blog! I was hoping to post daily, but many days I am going until 8:30-9 pm without stopping or eating since breakfast, and still more to do! I am learning ways to set boundaries, as I have mentioned in previous posts, and moving towards more balance in my life. I have found it is a wonderful opportunity to grow in love, patience, trust and acceptance! I am hoping the situation will improve, as I make these new boundaries, and turn things over sooner to a higher power, through prayer, waiting, watching and listening to the movements of the Spirit! Being disabled, this has been a difficult challenge, but I am enjoying so much drawing on the wisdom, power, provision, favor and presence of God! I apologize to my readers for not posting more regularly! Please be patient with me! I have so much I want to share from my journey and welcome your comments and sharings too! Love, Dee

God works in wonderful magical ways!

http://www.passionup.com/mp/blank/blank100.htm?e=imkld@yahoo.com&f=imkld@yahoo.com&cfp=1&h=7a49f7e8064d5e26&mp=1

Click on the link above and read this to enjoy a great story about God giving us what we need when we are concerned for the needs of others!

To my readers: Busy taking care of my mom and unable to post much this past week but getting there soon!

Continue to keep Haiti in your prayers and help if you can! They are going to need help for a long time! We have an extension until the end of February for donations to be deducted for 2009 taxes. See article at the link below.

http://money.cnn.com/2010/01/21/pf/taxes/haiti_donations/index.htm?section=money_topstories&utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:

Fondly, missing you, Dee

Walking the love walk in storms!

Things get tough long enough and I can get short-tempered! I am getting lots of opportunities to learn to act in love even when life is really difficult with "storms" and I am having to deal with aggravating situations! I have been living with stress for much of my life. Originally it came from family members, but I learned to live in stress and actually thrived in it for a while! I was so good with stress I got promoted and quickly rose to the top. Ultimately, my body broke down, being helped by a virus just being discovered this past year. I ended up being disabled which comes with its own stress, physically and financially. Over the years, I learned to live with stress a different way -- learning boundaries, balance and having a close relationship with God. It really has turned out to be a gift to me and many others on my path. Even with boundaries, balance and God, things can get really difficult! I have been dealing with a new difficult situation for 18 months, the ongoing care of an elderly parent. I have cut out almost everything else in order to "manage" my stress. But now I'm finding there are lots of ways of getting added stress besides too many activities. When too many things go wrong, and mistakes are made, it adds stress. When I feel my frustration rise, I talk to God, announcing my limits, as if God did not know. I was feeling I just couldn't take it anymore. Two days without blogging and no end in sight to more difficulties. I prayed (a lot) last night. I woke up and turned on my favorite show, Joyce Meyers, while doing my morning stretches. She was talking about walking in love. As I listened my heart softened and I felt that inner guidance: "this message is for you". I listened a little more closely. She said when things get difficult, it is no reason to step out of our love walk. It is an opportunity to grow a little more into the person we want to be, the person God created us to be. It is a way to learn how to have more joy and peace in our lives. Oh, well! I realized she was right on. I had been dealing with several other parties not doing things right: pharmacists, insurance representatives, assisted living managers, transport coordinators, doctor's office staff, website services - the list goes on. I was getting aggravated by the lack of performance and repeated mistakes and my voice reflected it more each day. I listened to Joyce and realized I did not want to respond to anyone out of my anger, even if a subtle tone of anger in my voice or a slightly sarcastic remark. I learned a long time ago that things go much better without anger and that everyone is trying to do their best with their situation. Anyway, onward and upward. I dealt with 3 more such situations today and I remembered to walk in love! It made me feel better. I was more happy. I had more peace. I know it helped each of the situations get resolved and God was smiling!! Spread some love today, even if the "weather" gets stormy! That is when people need it the most, and that includes you! Love, Dee

Memories of year past for the journey!

Like packing a suitcase for my travels, I am reviewing the year past, to see what I will take with me into 2010! I am feeling excited and hopeful about the future! I feel God's presence and laughter, smiling, because God knows my future, full of lovely surprises for my soul, things that I am hoping for that are just ahead, and comforting salves for the wounds of the years past. I want my suitcase to be full of wonderful and useful items to enjoy, to help me on my journey and to share with others I will meet and be with this coming year! What are you taking with you? I trust the Spirit to guide me and remind me of what I need along the way! Right now I am thinking of all the lovely friends I have been with this past year: some new, some I have known for many years, and in the past two months, some I have reconnected with from my high school and early career days through Facebook! What a great facility! I know I will take that with me! I want to be connected more in 2010! Connected to God, to myself, connected through this Blog and to the world: to friends, family, and those I meet along the way that I can help, or that will help me, or just stay a while as we travel together and enjoy the journey!! Have a nice time remembering 2009 and the best to you in 2010! God bless you most abundantly, wherever you are along your journey! Maybe we will meet and share each other's memories from the past!

Why a blog?

Why have I started blogging? I was on a path of ministry including pastoral care, preaching and teaching, and exploring a call to ordained ministry, when suddenly in May 2008 many doors that had been open slammed in my face. A couple of months later, my life changed dramatically as I took over the care of my mother who nearly died. Since then my life has revolved around bringing her back to stability and coordinating her everyday care. I had to stop many of the ministry activities with which I had been involved, but over the months I have longed to return to active ministry. In June 2008, while on an intensive 10 day silent retreat, I experienced God telling me I was going to reach people where they were: in their homes, at the office, out and about. The Internet came to mind. It seemed perfect since I am disabled and often home bound. I quickly acquired a domain, but with the demands of my mother's care, I had no time to develop a website. Meanwhile, a dear friend who is now following my blog had started a blog herself and the idea started to take root in my heart. I saw my dear friend yesterday and decided to explore the idea that had been increasingly tugging at my soul. In what seemed like only a few minutes, I was blogging, to my surprise! I have lots to share and this is just the beginning. I hope this finds you well. Blessings and peace for today and always, Dee

Hello! This is Dee's Daily #1

Hello! This is Dee's Daily blog, day #1. I have been wanting to blog for some time. My life to date has been extremely challenging and also rewarding. I want to share my experiences and learnings with the world in hope that it might help others. Stay tuned!